#315: My Project; Your Project

Yesterday I celebrated yet another wonderful Thanksgiving with my family. Last year was special in that it was the first year that Kegan and I hosted; it was also the kickoff to this project. This year's Thanksgiving was equally special: not only did we host again (so thankful I married a man who likes to cook!), we had both members of Kegan's family and mine together...and it also marked the end of my personal initiative to spend a year reflecting on the aspects of my life for which I am most thankful.

When I began the project I hoped to post daily from one Thanksgiving to the next. In a slightly ditzy move I expected this to be a total of 365 reflections...forgetting that Thanksgiving does not fall on the same date each year. And while I did not actually post every single day-- especially lagging a bit during the first trimester of my pregnancy-- I can honestly say that even when I did not write, I thought, every single day, about what a blessed life I lead, in both big and small ways.

This project truly had a profound effect on me. If you've walked this road with me this year and read regularly, I am so grateful for your investment, interest and support...it was always motivating to hear family and friends commenting on specific posts, or asking me when I was going to post again on the occasions when there was a lag. And for the strangers who've read...the ones who know me only through the musings on this blog...it was humbling to know that something on here struck a chord with you and kept you invested. The project as a personal initiative kept me motivated, but so did readership, so thank you for that.

All this project is was the piecing together of thoughts, words, photos, video clips, and music...and yet from it I have gained so much. Here are the profound ways in which I feel this project has affected me:

*Each day was colored positively: My life is by no means perfect. I have frustrations, struggles, limitations, faults, weaknesses & stresses just like everyone else. I can be moody and emotional, feel conflicted and negative just as I am sure you do. But when I took time out of every day-- even the hard ones-- to look for the positivity in either that specific day or my life in general, some of that negativity was deflated. I felt calmer & happier after I took the time to look past whatever was weighing me down and found something to uplift me. Malorie and I once talked about how your world and your life is colored by the lens through which you choose to look at it. This project allowed me every day to see it positively, no matter how clouded my vision may have been by my own pessimism or life circumstances, and that truly made a difference on a daily basis.

*I suffer less anxiety: Anxiety, in general, is one of aforementioned limitations of my life. I've worked for years to manage, negate & limit it, but it's a pretty powerful opponent. This project, however, has proven to be quite the weapon in combatting the influence of anxiety in my life, a benefit of it that I did not expect, but one that makes perfect sense. Anxiety is worry of the future-- of what will come, and the worry that it will be negative. This project forced me to be more consciously alive in the present, to focus on positivity, and to think how years ago I was worried about all of these days. And as they've come, look at the blessings they've begot. It takes a lot of energy to worry, and I've found how much nicer it is to channel that energy differently. Instead of looking forward at what may be-- which we cannot know or control-- I look at what good is or has been, and am bolstered by it.

*I want less: While I would not consider myself a greedy or materialistic person to begin with, it is part of human nature to want. Yet through this project I have found myself wanting less. While it goes without saying that what matters in life is not material, spending a year accumulating the evidence of that has made me realize I do not need to accumulate stuff...because stuff doesn't matter. Beyond wanting less materially, I want less of a different life. It's easy to focus on what we do not have in life-- to focus on shortcomings, to fall victim to envy or jealousy, to compare your life to the life of another. This project has made it so clear to me just how amazing my life is...I realize that I do not want the life of another, not even in the slightest, if it would change anything about the amazing one I get to lead. As I've focused on all that I have, and in doing so realized how unbelievably abundant that is, I've realized just how content I truly am, which is a pretty powerful, profound perspective.

*I'm happier: Obviously. One of the inspirations for this project was Gretchen Rubin's work The Happiness Project. I could fully relate to her confliction that while she knew she led this amazing life,  on a daily basis she often didn't feel as happy as she knew that she should. This plight affected me, as I think it does most of us. Gretchen chose to cultivate happiness in a myriad of initiatives; I had, even before reading her work, wanted to work on being a more grateful person. This project allowed me to be more grateful but I knew would also make me happier. I now live with a better, more full heart than I did a year ago. I think I am calmer, more present, more apt to look for the good in everything more naturally than the bad...all of which has made me a happier person.

*Light begets light: If I were ever to be asked to express my worldview, I think I would have a hard time doing that. If I had to, I think I would try to formulate the simple tenements I believe shape our lives...and through this project I discovered one that I think is ultimate and powerful, capable of actively changing the course of your life. This project proved to me that "light begets light". I aimed to do something simple: to spend each day thankful for something. It became bigger than that, for all of the aforementioned benefits, and I think it became it's own force. As I appreciated daily a specific aspect of my life for which I am thankful I inevitably thought of more. It was not challenging to reflect regularly on an aspect of my life for which I am most thankful (although it was occasionally a challenge to actually write it down)...once you shine light onto your life it spreads, the darkness retreats. Everything is illuminated, and I truly feel that I see my life now through lighter eyes.


....And so you might ask, what's next?

To begin, I invite you to do this for yourself. You've invested time in my project, and I am so thankful for that. I hope that through reading my posts it inspired you to think of your own blessings...what would be more amazing to me is to know that there was a ripple effect....that I started a project, and someone else took it on for themselves. Because when I reflect on what this has done for me, I can only want for it to equally transform the lives of others. If you've ever thought reading this that it's "a nice thing" I've done, if you've looked forward to reading the posts, if you've ever considered trying this yourself...do it! I cannot endorse it enough. Start today. Here are some suggestions for how you can do it-- in the same vein as me or completely differently.

1. Just make a list: I like to write, clearly. But all of the elaboration isn't necessary. Simply list, one thing a day, that you're grateful for (like my post headings). You can probably sit and do a ton right off the bat, but try and limit yourself to one, focus on that for the day, and spread the wealth out over the year. You could write it on paper or type it on a document.

2. Keep a journal: I made my project public for a number of reasons, but the project can be just as transformative if it's private...maybe even more so. Buy yourself a notebook and take the time to write regularly.

3. Create your own Thankfulness Project Blog: Don't be intimidated by the interweb! I am by no means capable when it comes to anything technological...and I can personally avow that it's easy. You can do it, and if you want I can help. If I know you I will personally come and start it for you and show you how to use it. Sorry my Russian reader...you're on your own :)

4. Facebook It: Facebook users are so willing to share the most mundane (pardon my criticism) crap as their Facebook statuses. You had egg salad for lunch? Awesome. I shouldn't judge, but I so often wonder what exactly spurs people to make their statuses...I'll even critique the psychology behind my own! (Yes, my self reflection and constant analysis can be an exhausting way to live). I think it's just the need to connect and share, but also to express. Whenever you go on Facebook, update your status with something you are thankful for. You can change it once you eat that bangin' egg salad sandwich, but for the moment you consciously thought of your gratitude and you shared it with your world...and you'll feel pretty awesome for that.

5. Make it dinner conversation: Last night my family went around the table and shared what we were thankful for, as I think many families do on Thanksgiving. I love it, think it's such a powerful moment of the holiday. One of my motivators for this project was to extend the positivity of Thanksgiving throughout the year...and a simple way to do that would be to just have that conversation at dinner. Simply say what you were thankful for that day, and ask those you are dining with what they are thankful for. I am going to start this with my family, and cannot wait to see how it shapes us to collectively, nightly reflect on our gratitude.

However you do it, I strongly urge two things:

1. Make it a habit. Like any resolution, no matter how good your intentions are life can get in the way. But it is so worth it. So take it one day at a time and keep it simple (a reason my first suggestion might be the best, because it's likely apt to be the most successful) but make the commitment to do it. You'll lose steam at some point, but look at the big picture. Next Thanksgiving will be here before you know it....you probably thought at some point last night 'I can't believe it's already Thanksgiving, it feels like it was just Thanksgiving last year.' As Rubin reflects, "The days are long but the years are short." Keep it going, and you'll see how much you can transform your life with a simple act...but it's best if it's continuous.

2. Tell the people in your life that you're thankful for them: One of the reasons I made this project public is because there are so many people about whom I knew I would write, and I wanted to share it with them. That was one of the most profound aspects of the whole endeavor. It meant a lot to me to be able to tell the people in my life exactly what they mean to me, what effect they've had on me, how blessed I am to know and be known, to love and be loved by them. So you can keep your whole project private, but connect at least with the people you appreciate when you're appreciating them. Call your mom or dad. Send your best friend a card. Write an email to your coworker. I know it's meant a lot to the people who've I've written about to read my words, and that's made it so much more worth it to have ever taken on the project. I feel closer to them, and know that no matter what tomorrow brings in either of our lives, they know how much they mean to me. It's nice to tell people what they mean to you, and I know from the people I've told, it's even nicer to hear it. Light begets light, not just in your life, but in the lives of those you share it with.

...and dare I ask you to share it with me? You don't need to share your actual reflections, but if you take on this project I'd love to hear about it. If you know me personally you know how to reach out to me. If you don't you can email me at this snazzy email address I created simply for this purpose:
projectthankfulness@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you...or regularly cleaning out spam :)

As for my project...I intended to end it with Thanksgiving 2012....

But it will live on. There are so many more people to write about and so much more of my life for which I am grateful, it doesn't feel right to totally end it. The regularity with which I post will likely change, as in a few weeks I will live a much different life...but in a whole new, exciting, unbelievable way that will bring so much more to be thankful for. I'll keep writing; I hope you'll keep reading.

In summary (yes, this post is ending), here is what I have ultimately learned from this project, hope you see that I've learned this, and feel inspired to learn it for yourself:

"It is not happy people who are thankful; it is thankful people who are happy."

#311: "Pig"

This Dave Matthews (surprised?) song has always struck a chord with me. I made sure it was played near the end of my wedding night-- not because it's a particularly fitting song for a wedding, or even one you can really dance to-- but because its lyrics were words I wanted to make sure I was living in the final hours of one of the most amazing days of my life.

Beyond being appropriate for my wedding day, I think it's also fitting for this project. "Pig" calls on us to see all the light in our life, to embrace the present and "not burn the day away". With only a final few days left until my Thankfulness Project year closes, I know this song will be on my mind often. Whenever I hear it I think of my wedding and marriage, one of the ultimate blessings of my life, but I will also think that this is not just a song for the most special days but for every day.

"Pig"

#293: My Home

This week I've thought often how thankful I am for my house-- for the physical structure of it, the fact that it provides me and my family shelter. Today I am thankful for my house as my home.

I love the comfort of my home, that it's a place I feel secure and safe. I love that it's adorned with photos of my family and friends-- the living embodiment of home. I love how laughter bounces off its walls, that it's set the stage for holidays and birthdays. I love the way sun streams through the windows, the way rain runs down the window panes. I love how light filters in throughout the day, how you can see the moon out the skylights. I love finding my cats curled in their secret spots, love the sound of Kegan's keys in the door when he returns from work. I love knowing I've been blessed here, and with continued  grace, will be, even more so, here.

"Home is the nicest word there is." - Laura Ingalls Wilder

#277: My Birthday

Today is my 28th birthday. I love celebrating birthdays, mine included. It's a day on which the sentiment of this project is a living reality, a day I spend humbled by the love and light of my life. I embrace each birthday and the turning of a new age with happiness for the present, appreciation of the past, and hope for the future.

"Do not regret growing older; it is a privilege denied to many." - unknown

#273: Water

Today an activity in my class involved coloring. One student was being particularly whiny and was complaining about how 'stressful' it is to color. I couldn't help but respond with a typical adult response. "You know there are kids in the world your age, somewhere in the world right now, who are spending their day simply trying to find water. I'm pretty sure that's stressful. Coloring? Not so much." Like the typical 13 year old he shrugged his shoulders, and went on to justify that sure, it didn't compare, but it's so hard to hold crayons. You know?

While the sentiment was lost on him, it wasn't on me. I realized I needed to take a dose of my own medicine. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the everyday annoyances of modern, privileged life that I forget that these are privileges...things that, in the long run, don't matter. That honestly, at the end of the day. the reality that I have consistent and reliable access to clean water matters...but I don't give it much (if ever any) credence, and that the 'stresses' in my life pale in comparison to the reality that much of the world does not have that luxury.

It also made me think of the roles water has played in my life: the calming effect the ocean has on me, particularly when I can run besides it, days and nights of summer spent in my community and friends' pools, the relief of water stations during a race, the reassurance of waking an older sibling or a parent in the middle of the night for a glass of water...it's fundamental role in our lives makes it easy to ignore, or to become part of the background, but it's the fact that it does, in fact,  play a fundamental role in our lives that makes it something we should be thankful for.

"The cure for anything is salt water...sweat, tears, or the sea." - Isak Dinesen

#270: "Let's Pretend This Never Happened"

One of the most ridiculous books I have read in a long time, Jenny Lawson’s memoir Let’s Pretend This Never Happened was hilarious.  I’m thankful this book was recommended to me, and grateful for the many laugh-out-loud moments of it. I was also impressed, despite the ridiculousness of her material, that she touched on a very poignant theme: that our lives are bound to be filled with chaos, and that we can define ourselves within those moments. Lawson insinuates she’ll write more, and I for one would be quite appreciative if she did.

"And this was the very reason  I decided to tell this story….to celebrate the strange, to give thanks for the bizarre…You are defined not by life’s imperfect moments but by our reaction to them. Because there is joy in embracing—rather than running screaming from—the utter absurdity of life." - Jenny Lawson  

#213: "...all good things..."

A few months ago my sister and I were out shopping in Pennsylvania. We went to a store that featured artwork from local artists, and I discovered a painting that I just kept going back to look at it. Never before had I had the experience of feeling like artwork "spoke" to me, but there was something about this painting that did. We left the store, but within days I was calling to buy it over the phone, taking a cue from Gretchen Rubin and Laura Vanderkam, both who extoll the value of buying things that make you happy.

Now this painting hangs over my bed, and it does make me quite happy. The title of the piece, "...all good things..." speaks to this project and the perspective on life that I try to foster, that there is so much good in our lives. And for me, this painting is such.

#179: Cards

I was lucky enough to meet up with my good friend, Allison, once more last week before she leaves for the summer to intern in Seattle. As I exited her car after saying goodbye she handed me a card, and I teared up when I read it once I was back in my house. Her message was a note of appreciation for our friendship, and while I am so thankful for this card, itself, it made me think of all the cards I've ever gotten from Allison, Kegan, my family, other friends...in this age of immediate communication, the spirit of letter writing seems to be lost. And so when I receive a hand written card-- knowing someone took the time to pick out one with a significant message, took the time to add their own personal thoughts-- I am thankful.

#153: My Favorite Poet

Billy Collins...

"Days"

Each one is a gift, no doubt,
mysteriously placed in your waking hand
or set upon your forehead
moments before you open your eyes.

Today begins cold and bright,
the ground heavy with snow
and the thick masonry of ice,
the sun glinting off the turrets of clouds.

Through the calm eye of the window
everything is in its place
but so precariously
this day might be resting somehow

on the one before it,
all the days of the past stacked high
like the impossible tower of dishes
entertainers used to build on stage.

No wonder you find yourself
perched on top of a tall ladder
hoping to add one more.
Just another Wednesday,

you whisper,
then holding your breath,
place this cup on yesterday's saucer
without the slightest clink.

#152: My Favorite Poem

As National Poetry Month draws to a close...


(Poem #36) the lesson of the moth

i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an eletric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense

plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity

but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself

archy

- Don Marquis

#132: Lululemon Manifesto

The mall that my sister and I shopped at yesterday had a Lululemon store, which sells athletic wear. They have very nice running clothes and I was excited to get a new track jacket. However, I am equally excited to now own a Lululemon bag with the company "manifesto" printed on it. I saw these reusable bags behind the counter before I found the jacket, read a few of the statements, and said aloud, "I want that bag!" My sister scanned it over herself and said, "That is a very 'you' bag."

The manifesto is a number of positive statements about health and well-being, and I personally believe in most of them (although some are oddly worded- such as 'children are the orgasm of life'. Awkward.)
Some of my favorite are:
-Your outlook in life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself.
-That which matters the most should never give way to that which matters the least.
-Sweat once a day to regenerate your skin.

I straight-up-love reusable bags. But this one is especially appreciated, as every time I use it I will internalize these inspirational truths.

Lululemon Manifesto

#122: Running Reminders

My training for my upcoming half has been inconsistent. Once my first two weeks were interrupted by bronchitis, I never gained traction. I've more or less let go of my goal to break two hours...I'm slightly disappointed, but I also know that I want to be a runner for the rest of my life. There will be plenty of possibilities to PR. Sometimes you have to just accept it's not your day, and for a runner, it's important to reconcile yourself with that reality.

Despite my newly adopted easy-going mentality for this half, I have struggled occasionally with just getting out the door. My energy is often low, I struggle with finding the time to get a run in amidst my social life, work and home responsibilities, and some days I just can't find the motivation to get out the door.

Yesterday was one of those days. Relying on a standard quick-fix, I decided to run somewhere out of the ordinary for novelty's sake. I hopped in my car and headed to a local lake, where I could run laps, zone out,  and simply get the miles logged.

Often when I run I think about running. It can be a very meta-experience in that sense. This run-- which I had to battle myself simply to start-- made me think very much about why it is that I run.

On the same property as the lake I was looping sits a school for children and young adults with disabilities. Every time I passed it I drew strength from my proximity to what I imagine is a wonderful place. Knowing an unmotivated three mile run pales in comparison to the challenges the students attending that school face everyday put the whole run in perspective. And then, to add to this recognition, I noticed my company at the lake included a number of people who can't run. A woman pushed her adult son in a wheelchair. A man with a prosthetic leg was walking around the lake for as long as I was running-- and he continued even after I had stopped.

While I sat lakeside and stretched afterwards, I thought of a running quote that has always motivated me: "I run because I can. When I get tired, I remember those who can't run, what they would give to have this simple gift I take for granted, and I run harder for them. I know they would do the same for me."

I'm thankful that I can run, and for the reminders that I shouldn't ever take that for granted.

#113: The Book Thief

Marcus Zusak's The Book Thief is one of my all-time favorite books.

When The New York Times reviewed The Book Thief it was described as "life changing." One of the reasons this is one of my favorite books of all time is because I think it is just that. I vividly remember finishing it for the first time, staying awake until nearly 2 in the morning, sobbing...feeling simultaneously filled by the experience of reading such a novel, and emptied that it was over. Regardless of how many times I read it, my breath is constantly taken away-- overcome by how fictional characters can matter, how someone can craft language in such a beautiful way. Zusak's work is masterful and universal, a modern classic. I am so thankful that such a book exists.

I have the added privilege of being able to teach this novel. My Enrichment Literature classes just finished reading it, and it's always amazing to read it besides them. They approach the novel and the subject matter-- Nazi Germany-- with innocence and delicate hearts, and the enlightenment they experience is profound. I witness my students mature with this book in their hands, and it is one of the aspects of my job that I love-- that I get to put The Book Thief in the hands of so many adolescents every year, and know that some of them will finish the novel changed people.

"I have hated the words, and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." -Zusak

#111: St. Patrick's Day

My father's parents immigrated from Ireland when they were both young to start their lives in America. I did not know my paternal grandmother, but my grandfather had a slight Irish accent that I loved hearing. My Irish heritage is an underlying but influential and appreciated aspect of my identity. In fact, one of the reasons I have yet to take my husband's last name is because I would lose my Irish surname, and that is really important to me. I attribute my fierce loyalty, proud stubbornness and irrational superstitions to my heritage. St. Patrick's Day has always been a day that I recognize, even if it's just momentarily, how proud I am to be Irish. 

"May the rose rise up to meet you. May the wind always be at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand."

#83: Valentine's Day

It's the simplest but most poignant of truths. "All you need is love." I'm thankful for any day that celebrates that sentiment.

#66: Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

I'm thankful for novels like Extremeley Loud & Incredibly Close, novels that are deeply personal and resoundingly universal.
I'm thankful for authors like Jonathan Safran Foer, who find the words that always seem lost.
I'm thankful this book found its way to me this week, of all weeks.

"I thought about all the things that everyone ever says to each other, and how everyone is going to die, whether it's in a millisecond, or days, or months, or 76.5 years, if you were just born. Everything that's born has to die, which means our lives are like skyscrapers. The smoke rises at different speeds, but they're all on fire, and we're all trapped...And how can you say I love you to someone you love?...Here is the point of everything I have been trying to tell you...It's always necessary." - Foer